i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
