Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
