By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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