Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize