when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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