I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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