i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
