You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
