I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
