he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
