Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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