Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
So squirting runs in the family.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
