I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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