these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
