i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
