It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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