I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Actions speak louder than pants.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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