I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize