I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
