I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
