ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
