I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
