My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
