I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
