can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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