He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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