pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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