I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize