I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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