First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
