you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
