im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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