You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
