maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Acid is not a monday night drug
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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