Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
