A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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