captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
