Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
