woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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