Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
