Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
