This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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