Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
