i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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