shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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