playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
