I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
