operation harelip BJ is a go
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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