So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
