is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
