There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize