Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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