I think my fart just growled at me.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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