Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
