Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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