I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
How external is "for external use only"?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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