Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
