U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
