it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Randomize
