by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I think i got beer on your cat.
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