if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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