Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I need to sanitize my soul.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
