i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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