So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
