Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
