your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
