The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
