i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
