Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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