I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
