ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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